Two Burglars Discuss Their Loot

Bob: Hey Rufus, 'dja get the goods?
Rufus: Sure did, pal.
Bob: Problems?
Rufus: Yeah, Maxwell rolled over once, opened one eye: I pretended to be a statue and I think he bought it.
Bob: Well, get it in the truck. We don't know that he bought it.
Rufus: Better read it first. Make sure it's the real deal.
Bob: All right, all right. Make it fast.

The result:

SEVEN THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1. Books
2. A bed
3. A painting of a Spanish mission
4. Glamdring
5. A Marlin .22 rifle
6. A kukri machete
7. A pen from Mozambique

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. God
2. Water
3. Food
4. Sunlight
5. Oxygen
6. My brain
7. A circulatory system

SEVEN THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Become a more godly and righteous person
2. Marry
3. Raise children
4. Get published
5. Tour Europe from Ireland to the Urals, focusing on World War II battlefields
6. To the best of my ability, make better the lives of others
7. Drive a Dodge Charger SRT8

SEVEN OTHER THINGS:
Do You:
1. Believe in God? Yes.
2. Had a dream come true? Do you realize that this sentence, completed, would read “Do you had a dream come true?” That is appalling. As I recall, no, I haven’t had a dream come true. Fortunate for me, as I dreamt once I was being chased through my house by a velociraptor.
3. Read the newspaper? No, I find the internet to be an improvement for obtaining general national and world news. It’s faster, just as comprehensive, and free.
4. Pray? Yes.
5. Have a job? Not one that pays. :-)
6. Go to church? Yes.
7. Wish on shooting stars? I may have done so when I was younger, but I don’t think I have recently.

SEVEN THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS:Have you...
1. Cried? No.
2. Had fun? Yes.
3. Been kissed? Yes, by my mom.
4. Felt stupid? Sure, yeah.
5. Talked to an ex? Don’t have one, bru.
6. Missed someone? Not actively.
7. Hugged someone? Mom.


TEN random things about me:
10. When I imagine scenes from my stories, the resultant mental image is typically very detailed, almost like a movie. I think in color and sound and often imagine an accompanying musical score.
09. I have a scar on my left forefinger left by a pruning saw.
08. I have little sympathy for men with families who attempt extremely dangerous mountain climbs for fun.
07. I think I enjoy Orwell’s essays more than his books.
06. As my family could easily tell you, I am very much not a pet person.
05. I find skeletons endlessly amusing.
04. My latest short story has been influenced to some degree by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
03. I have considered getting a scooter.
02. I drink up movie lines and recycle them for anyone who cares to listen, and I love to imitate voices.
01. On that note, I find that I can apply the Joker’s lines to a staggering amount of situations.

NINE ways to win my heart:
09. Be a growing and enthusiastic Christian.
08. Be a good communicator. That’s really, really important.
07. Be a caring and sensitive person.
06. Be willing to rebuke me when I’m doing something wrong.
05. Be willing to put up with movie imitations. :-P
04. Be a lover of literature.
03. Be a lover of writing.
02. Be a punctual, respectful, patient person.
01. Be more concerned with inner than with outer beauty.

SEVEN ways to annoy me:
07. Act like a typical college frat boy.
06. Write in “texting” language.
05. Insult a lady.
04. Be insensitive to the suffering of others.
03. Show no regard for artistic beauty or intellectual exercise.
02. Tickle me while I’m stretching.
01. Play music too loudly.

SIX things I believe in:
06. The reality and holiness of God.
05. The reality and unholiness of Satan.
04. The potential dangers of television and the internet.
03. The depravity of man.
02. The destructive power of gunfire.
01. The beauty of many parts of the natural world.

FIVE things I'm afraid of:
05. Sharks
04. Some dogs
03. Barack Obama
02. Failing to turn in schoolwork on time
01. Losing unsaved writing.

FOUR of my favorite items in my room:
04. My bed
03. My gun
02. My books
01. My CDs

THREE things I do everyday
03. Put on a belt.
02. Clip a KA-Bar Mule Folder to my pocket.
01. Turn on my computer.

TWO things I want to do right now:
02. Work on Kiriana.
01. Go to bed.

ONE person I want to see right now:
01. Sorry to count you all as one person, people--it’s just a way to cut corners on this quiz: Robert, David, Elisabeth, and Lindsey.